A woman I know - 37 years old, independent and

a sense of poverty as a parent
- the whining of a villa resident with an "apartment disease."  

A woman I know - 37 years old, independent and smart - has become obsessed with real estate. He wants to buy a house, desires a house, and drives to see houses far beyond his affordable price. He understands that this search for a house is more metaphorical than practical, and he knows that such a geographical shift will not fill other holes in his life. Nevertheless, that reverie takes away all the power to resist from him.

If you can only have - something fundamental in your life seems to change, improve, be recognized, and be rubbed, so that you can have a proper form.

An identity bought with money, a sense of belonging secured like that."
- <Desirees>, Caroline Nap

Dong-in B, a cook who was once close, talked about the sense of isolation while living in a villa and raising children, hoping to move to an apartment. It is close to acrobatics to actually push a baby car away from the overflowing cars in a narrow alley, and it is a dream that cannot be achieved to meet a neighbor who raises a child of similar age and spend time together. Moving to an apartment did not seem to solve all the problems, but B moved to the apartment anyway. In her Kakao profile, pictures of a child in the background of an apartment are often posted. According to what I heard, she became close to the mothers who raise children there, went to the cultural center, went to Kika, and went here and there well. Has her sense of isolation been resolved? It has been a long time since we met, so we cannot actually hear the answer, but it seems to have been solved by looking at the image from a distance. The identity of the apartment resident, the sense of belonging secured in that way. The sense of isolation may have been replaced by these words.

I also suffer from an "apartment disease" that all problems will be solved if I move to an apartment. There is a large playground in front of the apartment complex where my mother lives. The complex has a wide and bright parking lot, making it easy for beginners like me to park, and the community facilities are well established, so you can use the gym as much as you want for 10,000 won. I want to take my child to the playground, but it takes 30 minutes from my house, so I can't go there often. I also want to have a mother my child's age to go somewhere with me, but that's not easy. The point is that if you go to an apartment, there are amenities and it seems easy to form relationships, but if you live in a villa, that's not the case.

You have to pay that much to have what everyone wants. The lease on a deposit basis for an apartment is being renewed day by day, and no one is looking for a villa sale. If we want to lease an apartment, we have to pay interest with a loan, and we have to pay three times more for maintenance than we do now. In addition to raising a child, can I afford the cost of raising housing? Will the apartment really bring me a 'feel of happiness'? This is the question I encounter most often these days.

Some days it's yes, some days it's no. For example, on a day when you played well with your child, it seems like it's okay to continue living in the villa like now. However, all of this seems to have been caused by the fact that I don't live in an apartment on a day when my condition is bad, the weather is bad, and my husband can't afford to take my child to play with me. If I could have driven out, I would have gone to Kika and released my child on a day like this, or I would have gone to a museum, etc. Families like that go from the inferiority complex of 'If I lived in an apartment, I would be a qualified parent' to the self-imposed accusation that 'If I had done a job with a fixed income, if I was doing a job with a minimum hourly wage, I wouldn't be having this kind of concern'.

This is also the desire to replace the sense of identity and belonging as a parent represented by apartments with money. It can be replaced by kids cafes, swimming pools, trips to the suburbs, Moonsen classes, and seasonal clothes. On days when I feel like I am not good enough as a parent, I wake up at dawn and pay for all these lists one by one. I can't buy an apartment, so I replace it with other small shopping. On days when I feel like I have paid too much, I go with carrots. I schedule a carrot appointment and send my husband out, and I become elated by the trophies. Yesterday, at the daycare center, an old lady asked, "Did you buy the shades on your baby's bike separately?" I smiled faintly inside and said humbly on the surface. "I don't know because I bought it secondhand. I've been there since the beginning..." Actually, the shades are there, but they don't create enough shade on my child's face. I don't know why the angle is like that. If you were worried about your face burning, you would tell me that it would be enough to put a hat on it. But at that moment, I was full of satisfaction that they had bought me even one better thing. After using them, I feel like I'm going to throw up.

It's a world where possession = parental qualification, but the peacefully sleeping face seems to tell me that it's all just my thoughts. The feeling of not being good enough, the feeling of having to work harder. That's actually something I've had for myself for a long time. I want to give my child a sense of self-acceptance, not the discomfort of fretting, but I'm showing the opposite role model. I feel like I'll be exhausted by wanting, demanding, and trying more. On the other hand, my husband is receptive and satisfied. Someone who says, "Is this enough? No, we're doing great." It makes me feel comfortable, but it also makes me burst of clothes. I'm so satisfied that I don't even know what supplies I need for my child's developmental stage...

In fact, I haven't felt very poor since I got married. My needs are generally simple, and I've never wanted to have expensive things like apartments. (I once thought about buying an apartment before the real estate skyrocketed, but I quit because I was afraid of my loans. For some reason, an apartment seems like something I can't have for the rest of my life, and I feel rejected. Having it will give me something important. Maybe it's time as a writer.) Before marriage, I was equipped with a method of living in poverty in a semi-basement and always treating needs puritanically after marriage, and the patch was equipped with a method of treating needs as a Puritan